You Want To Do WHAT To My Daughter?

Jeff and I were doing our usual Saturday morning, unless we’re arguing, thing. We were sitting in Starbucks just talking about a situation with a very POS unethical real estate agent. Somehow one thing led to another and we began talking about an incident that occurred about 13 years ago. I have to tell you what happened back then.

Our daughter, Karli, was 14 or 15 and there was this boy that had a crush on her. The boy lived down the street from us. Jeff was living in Oregon then and the kids and I were still in Washington. This kid, I’ll call him “Joey” because, well, it’s his name, was talking to another kid named Nick. They were unknowingly within earshot of Nick’s mom.

Joey started talking about Karli and how he would like to “pork” her. The mom knew exactly what he meant and came out into the garage. She looked at Joey and said “That’s so wonderful of you wanting to take Karli to a nice ham dinner.” Boy probably looked at her like she was such an “ignorant mom.”

Well the mom told her husband and he casually dropped a few “comments” in normal conversation with the boys. The comments were along the line of what Jeff did to Karli’s last boyfriend, about Jeff’s guns, how much he lifted weights and he might have mentioned Jeff’s (imaginary) prison stint. The kid was completely scared crapless.

Jeff would come home on Friday and stay until Sunday nights. The school bus would drop the kids off at the corner and Joey had to walk in front of our house. During the week he would walk right on by with his little beret on and Fridays he’d take the cowardly LONG way around. He avoided Jeff at all costs.

We came up with this little plan for Jeff to talk to Joey. It took us awhile to find him in a situation where he could make that happen. Then one day, one glorious day, Jeff drove up and Joey was in Nick’s driveway chumming it up with Nick and Nick’s dad. Their front yard had a fence around it and Jeff pulled up across the driveway blocking any possible way out.

Joey turned white and began to back up. Jeff called out his name and said “I need to talk to you.” Jeff said he saw Joey scoping out the escape routes and there were none. Joey slowly walked toward Jeff. Nick’s dad was chuckling and later told us he thought Joey was going to pee his pants!

Joey walked up and stopped just out of arm reach of my completely muscle-bound husband. Jeff took a step forward. Joey took a step back. Jeff took two steps forward and reached out and put his hand on Joey’s visibly trembling shoulder. We all totally thought Joey was going to pass out right there.

Jeff began to speak.

“How you been doing Joey?”

“Good Sir.”

"I hear you made a comment about my daughter.” Joey’s now about to crap his pants. “You know son if you can’t respect a girl, you’ll never make it anywhere in life. If you can’t respect a girl you can’t respect yourself. You have a have a nice weekend, ok?” Jeff patted Joey on the back, turned and walked back to his truck and drove off. Joey stood there speechless, and VERY pale. He didn’t move for a few minutes. He didn’t want anyone to notice that he did wet his pants.