She'll Die

April 12th is a day that brings not only joy into my life, but memories of heartache and uncertainty.

You see, five years ago today, the surgeon that was about to bring my granddaughter into the world bluntly said, "She'll die."

When I fist saw her lying on the table, minutes after being freed from what had been her home for less than 26 weeks, I knew she would die.

Barely 2 pounds, and 14 inches long, she was motionless, purple and I felt a fear I'd never before experienced. We couldn't lose another grandchild, my daughter couldn't have another baby die.

But the baby surprised everyone, and not only survived, but thrived.

Today she is five. She is a fighter. She is a survivor. She is the great granddaughter my mother had hoped for, but didn't get to see. Maybe God allows my mom to peer down and witness the child she'd longed for.

Here it is in pictures. The survival of Anna-Grace Elizabeth.

My heart stopped

Her daddy's hand

25 and 5/7 weeks

Nana holding her and her Papa's hand

First day home, being held by my Princess, CoCo

Uncle Michael admiring the Miracle

Jakob holding her for the first time.

Papa and the tiny bottle

Surgery for heart failure at 8 months

Wearing her great grandmother's cow girl boots!

Last week

 

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Herpes Can Kill

I had this light-hearted post all ready to go today. Then we had Isaiah Jeffrey's 6th birthday "celebration." Every July 19th our family comes together for dinner and to release balloons with messages into the heavens for the angels to carry to our baby.

Isaiah was taken from us when he was exactly 12 weeks old. The birth "father" failed to disclose he had the herpes virus. My daughter was infected and had no symptoms. Isaiah was infected. We found out when he was about 10 days old. A few days later we were told that he wouldn't be with us long. From the day he was born the child was never put down. He was held every second of every day. We had a lifetime of love to give him and a very short time to do so. He died here at my home during dinner on October 11, 2004. When he left a part of all of us left as well.

My daughter's guilt is overwhelming, as is mine. It doesn't matter that there was nothing we could do, it's crushing. Many people ask us how we can live through the situations that our family faces. It's easy really. Once you've lost your child and grandchild nothing seems as dire. You look at things with a new perspective. Yes, at times our struggles seem to be more than we can handle, especially now. But we remember tiny Isaiah and losing him and we know that if we can survive that, we can survive anything.

I know that many of you have differing beliefs than my family and I do. I respect yours and I ask that no matter your belief, you would be willing to watch and listen to the video and the words spoken. Please, for Isaiah.

I'm going to ask something that I never ask. Please re-post this, re-tweet this, share it. We had no idea that my daughter was infected and we had no idea that herpes can be devastating for babies. It can kill them.  Help us get the word out. Be informed, be tested, be cautious. There are innocent lives at stake.



Sorry that the video quality isn't great. I didn't save it correctly.







Tearfully,

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Prepared For The Worst

Two years ago today doctors worked frantically to save the life of my daughter. We were told that the baby girl she carried would not live. They told us to prepare for the worst.

Karli immediately before the the surgeons began.

The tiny one has been freed.

2 lbs and 14" long

27 weeks

Trying to get Anna-Grace to breathe.

Karli watching over the fragile one.

Nana gets to touch Anna-Grace for the first time.

The first time I was allowed to hold her.

She's proving them wrong.

Anna-Grace's first day home. In the arms of her Uncle Michael.

She has no idea that she's going in for open heart surgery.

Being taken to the operating room.

Right after the successful heart surgery.

A real Diva.

Growing bigger.

Yummy!

Anna-Grace and her brother Josiah were ambassadors for the March of Dimes walk for life.

Anna-Grace is 1

She's happy and healthy. No signs of preemie problems. No more heart problems.

The miraculous Anna-Grace turned 2 today. She proved the doctors wrong. She's our miracle.

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And I'm still alive, I think

Highlights of last five years in a nutshell, or in this instance in a blog:


Oldest daughter has surgery and gets bad staph infection.

Daughter has major surgery to remove staph.

Oldest Daughter gets married.

Daughter has baby.

Daughter, husband, son and baby move in.

Kids find drug paraphernalia hidden in my garage.

Daughter’s husband turns out to be meth addict.

Daughter’s husband transmitted herpes to baby.

Daughter divorces druggie.

Baby dies at 12 weeks because of herpes.

We bury our grandson. He didn’t have socks on. That still bothers me.

Adopted daughter tries to destroy family and almost succeeds.

Adopted daughter diagnosed as psychopath.

Adopted daughter leaves and goes back to what she had known her first ten years.

Oldest daughter remarries.

She gets pregnant. Baby born three months early.

Two weeks later my mom is killed.

Live in NICU for three months with preemie baby.

13 months spent flying to Texas for 1-2 weeks a month to take care of Dad.

Autistic son attacks me and my husband four times in three months. Police called each time.

Autistic son taken to hospital three of those times.

We're now on first name basis with the police.

I was hit on my motorcycle. Bike was totaled. I didn’t walk for 4 months.

Dad found dead by my brother.

Daughter gets pregnant again.

Baby girl born three months early.

Three more months of NICU.

Granddaughter has heart failure.

Granddaughter has open heart surgery.

Adopted son forges our business checks and steals our medications.

Adopted son told to go to the military or be arrested.

Adopted son runs and throws away college scholarship.

I have melt-down.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II

Autistic son suspended from school for protecting himself from bully.

Oldest son is the pedestrian victim of a hit and run.

Son found on side of road unconscious.

Son flown by LifeFlight to Emanuel Hospital.

Found out from youngest daughter that oldest daughter is moving to Texas .

Youngest daughter was told not to tell me.

I freak at the thought of losing my daughter and grandchildren.

Oldest son released from hospital and moves in with us for 4 months to heal.

Son-in-law is laid off work.

Son moves out.

Autistic son suspended again for protecting himself.

I seek counsel to enforce school’s anti-bullying policy that is being ignored.

Man that hit my son was indicted.

Daughter and family lose house.

Daughter, Son-in-law and kids move in with 2 dogs, a cat, a tortoise and some fish.

Our business loses 6 months of work in 2009.

Problems in marriage almost lead to divorce.

Worry about keeping our home of 12 years because of economy.

I found out my white blood cell count is low. Worry about leukemia.

Tests continue for me.

During all of this time oldest daughter has a dozen major surgeries.

Tonight man that hit son was arrested.

Man charged with B Felony.

Maximum ten years in prison and $250,000 fine.

I bet he'll plea out.

I think I’ll have some robin’s eggs, an ambien and watch LA ink.

Will be sleeping with four leaf clover, rabbit’s foot and fingers crossed.

Probably should get holy water, olive oil and a rosary.

Time for bed.

Tomorrow’s a new day.


these book titles made me laugh

   

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