Not Allowed

Some of you know about my son Joshua. He's 19, has aspergers/autism and is in the Job Corps.

He came home for the summer for a home based work internship at a grocery store deli near the house. He's studying culinary and wants to be a chef one day. He's a sweet kid with a good heart but there are some deep, dark problems with some of his behaviors.

He's shown these behaviors since he was about 12 and was in intensive therapy for them for years. Nothing we did seemed to help. I don't want to go too far into them but I will say that Nikki and I are  the ones that are victimized by his behaviors. We have to be on constant guard when he's in the house. 

While he was home this last time it happened again, only worse. The last time it happened his dad told him that if he did these things again he wouldn't be allowed back in the house. He would have to find another place to live, that his actions were making it unsafe and fearful for people in the house and that wouldn't be tolerated. 

We had no choice but to keep our word and tell him that he would not be allowed to stay at the house again.  Right now he's at Job Corps and has weekends off. He can come home or stay at the dorms. Since he left he hasn't asked to come home for the weekend, he knows he can't.

Yesterday he called. He wanted to see us, he was lonely and wanted his family. I went and picked him up to go to dinner and it was wonderful. He's so mature and he was so sweet. It broke my heart to know how he must feel that he's no longer allowed to stay in his home. But there are other lives involved and we can't allow his choices to endanger those that are at home.

He finished with his culinary training with honors and now is beginning a second trade, business. That should take about 14 months to complete. So for now we don't have to worry about where he'll be sleeping and we can always go out and visit him and take him to dinner.

It's when he finishes that training that I worry about. Where will he live? Will he make enough money to survive? Will we have to go to court to be able to help him take care of his money and living situation? There are so many questions. Luckily Job Corps will help with all of that.

Even though I know the full situation and how it impacts the family I can't help but feel extreme compassion for my child. I'm scared for him, I worry about him and I hurt for him. The reality isn't only hard for him, it's hard for me as well. I just hope we can make it all work out in a way that benefits us all.

I  love my son no matter what and I want him to have the best life he possibly can.





 

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I hope I Was Dressed!

My sons just informed me that my Ambien sleep walking is not over! I thought I had it licked.

Evidently several months ago I got up in the middle of the night frantically yelling for Cole. Jeremiah said I had cake all over my face and insisted I needed Cole.

Cole came upstairs and they took me back to bed. Geeze, I sure hope I was wearing something!



 

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Questions, I Need Your Questions!

I thought I had this under control. I thought I knew the right questions to ask. I thought I could keep a psychologist for more than a month. But I thought wrong.

The last psychologist fired me just a month into treatment. I guess that was a good thing. I'm still not sure why he thought Dialetical Behavioral Therapy would be a better option for me, maybe I just scared him.

In therapy I don't hold any punches and I say and ask what's on my mind. Then after the mini-crisis I had I think he thought he was going to have to work harder. Geesh! And I didn't even call him during it!

My other docs I lost all due to "health care reform." They said the face of medicine was changing and it was going to be way too expensive for them to keep their private practices. I understand that one.



So I'm asking for your help this time. Help me with questions for these new docs I'm interviewing. It can be anything, I'm game. I have my standard list of questions but I'm thinking I need to add more to it. 

The new doc has to be willing to be interactive, have a sense of humor (a humorless psychologist is SUCH a bore!), and be willing to work with me, even it the going gets tough. I'm generally an easy patient, but I need someone to work with me and not against me.

I know my diagnosis, I know my issues, well most of them, and I need someone to help me work through them and not around them. I'd really like someone that will want to jump right in and work and not do the dance of the obligatory "get to know" you routine. I know they have to get to know me, but it doesn't take a month to get to know someone, especially when they will have a chart of several years worth of notes to look through.

So what do you think? Do you have any questions for me to add to my list? I'm dying to hear about them if you do. And I will give you feedback on your question, whatever the doc says, I'll tell you.

So let's get to work, shall we?



 

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They Need To Quit Messing With Me!

Today was the third time, as in first, second, third, time that a doctor told me PTSD can be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder.

I admit that I have a lot of PTSD: severe domestic violence, a gun being held to my head numerous times and a knife to my throat more times than I can count.

My daughter was stalked, raped and ended up pregnant. I watched my grandson die, my mother was killed, I had a grandson born three months early, my brother found my father dead, my granddaughter was born three months early and all this is just the tip of the ice berg. So, yes, I realize I have some pretty significant PTSD  issues, BUT, listen closely doctors, don't go messin' with my diagnosis!

I mean I have an image to keep up! "The Bipolar Diva" has a ring to it and I just got notice from the federal government trade mark office that I'm so, so close to having "The Bipolar Diva" trademarked, so leave my diagnosis alone!

All that and I can look back and see stitch together the episodes in my life, and I can do the same with my genetic background and even I can tell you it's bipolar disorder!

Plus I have a bulk of really cool "Bipolar Diva" pens and some awesome "Bipolar Diva" business cards and the list goes on.

So please, I beg you, please stop the musical diagnosis' on me!




 

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