The Rules. Short and Sweet.

Being a mom in my world, in my Diva world, comes with some well earned privileges. After raising 11 kids all together and numerous foster kids I've come up with a few rules, guidelines,  that help keep me sane. Some of those come with a specific child that needs to preform specific duties. Others are edicts in general.

• Iced Tea must be freshly made each day. 2 two gallon pitchers with Splenda. 
• If my bedroom door is closed there will be NO knocking, talking at the door or otherwise bothering the occupants unless there are either massive amounts of blood involved or severely broken bones. Toes do not count as broken bones, spiral or green fractures do not count as broken bones. Bloody noses and flesh wounds do not count as massive amounts of blood.
• Children will use their own washer and dryer. My washer and dryer are not to be used for anything but parental items.
• Adequate amounts of ice must remain at ALL TIMES in the freezer for Mom's iced tea. This little rule got me the most coveted title of "Ice Nazi."
• If a child leaves anything strewn about the living room it WILL be thrown away, no questions.
• Guest room and theater movies are for guests and parents. They are  not for grubby pawed bipeds.
• Due to past experience, anyone under the age of 25 will eat on plastic plates and drink from acrylic cups. Entire sets of dishes have been broken on the travertine kitchen floor.
• If you wash the kitchen cleaning rags, forget about them and they mildew, you will wash them again with bleach AFTER you memorize the mildew smell by smelling aforementioned rags for a time period of at least one hour. 
• Any scratches, dents, or BROKEN MIRRORS on mom's car OR motorcycles will result in the offending appendage being surgically removed, if it's your lucky day.
• There will be absolute silence when Shepard Smith is on. 
• Do not call me with questions about your eyelashes, ketchup or socks. I don't know and I don't care.
• Duct tape can, and will be used.
• The subject of Mom's Botox and Juvederm usage is prohibited in conversation.
• If they shop with me they must leave the area before I pay so they have no way of relaying exactly what was spent. 
• This is a new one, just tonight actually. Any child that refuses to shut their yap while Mom is writing or reading blogs will soon have their brother's nasty, three week old dirty sock stuffed into their mouth and duct taped.

Excuse me now while I find that sock.