You're Putting That Where?

Today was eventful and not in the “OMG this is great!” way. I had an appointment with an ENT for a torturous test.

The doctor’s name was, well I guess it still is, Robert Roberts. Seriously, who in the hell would do that to a kid? My dad’s name was Andy Anderson, but that was a nickname. His real name was Julian. While I love Dad's name, and named my son after him, dad thought it was a girl’s name so he went by Andy. To me that makes sense. But Robert Roberts? That’s just plain ridiculous.

Back to the test. The nurse led me back to this room that looked like a medieval torture chamber. There was this big chair with straps, there were hoses, tubes, sprays and lots of other scary looking shit.

Then they told me that they were going to spray this crap up my nose and “guide,” another word for shove, a camera through my nose and into my throat. That seriously freaked me out. I gag when I brush my teeth and they think they’re getting a camera in my throat?

“Ok, Teri, this is going to be uncomfortable but it won’t hurt.”

I was going to ask him to demonstrate it on himself before attacking me with it, but decided that might piss him off. If I pissed him off then I’d be doomed for sure.

Since there were all kinds of unknown things in the room and a chair with straps I decided to comply.

The word “uncomfortable” had me freaked. Diva’s don’t do “uncomfortable.” I’m not sure I’m even familiar with the word but I soon learned it’s meaning.

It felt like he was putting something the size of a fire hose into my nose.

“Teri, you need to breathe.”

Tell me how in the hell I’m going to breathe with that thing stuck in my nose? I tried to relax, I tried to breathe and I tried not to pass out. He jabbed the thing all around my nose and throat before graciously removing it.

“Well, I’m not really sure what it is.”

Holy Mother of God! This is going to be a Karli moment. If you know my oldest daughter you know she’s what is known as a “zebra” in the medical community. Every freaking time she sees a doctor they tell her “Wow, I’ve never seen this before.”

“Please God, please don’t let this be a Karli moment. I’ll cook dinner, I’ll clean the house if you let me escape a Karli moment.”

It was not to be.

“We’re going to have to order at least one more test to find out what’s going on. I just have no idea from looking.”

Now I’m sitting here typing and sweating it each and every time my phone rings. If that was the beginning test, I don’t even want to know what the rest of them are. But you can bet that Xanex will be my best friend next time.

Oh, and one more thing. I heard on the news that the powers that be in Washington want to pass a bill that will force television shows and commercials to have the same volume! WTH?!?!?! Seems to me there are more pressing issues to deal with than the BLEEPING volume on TV. Use your remote people, use your remote!

Also, if you haven't visited Karli's site I'd like to ask that you go see her. Ten days from today is the 6th anniversary of her son's death.  Go give her some encouragement if you have a minute.