I'm Pretty Sure I Have It Figured Out, Sort Of
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I think I'm dying. There's no other explanation. Yes, I think I've convinced myself that I'm in my final days. I know, you're (see Gucci, I can do it!) thinking dramatic, Diva-like behavior. It's not, I swear!
I've had this pain for a few months now. First it was only when I wore stilettos......I know, I know....5'12" with 4" heels.....get over it. It's a statement after all. Of what I'm not sure, but I tell myself that because I LOVE stilettos.
Ok, I'm off track. Back to the pain. It's continual now and it's in the joint of my right big toe. I've, with my vast medical knowledge, narrowed the possibilities to arthritis, but you have to be old for that right? Gout, another old lady thing and SO NOT Diva-like, or cancer. Yes, I think I have cancer of the big toe.
So first thing tomorrow morning I'm making an appointment with my primary care doc to tell him my diagnosis.
Ouch, it hurts and I DON'T do pain well. I know somewhere in my pharmaceutical arsenal I'll be able to find some vicodin at the very least. If I'm lucky, oxycontin.
Yes people, that is my bedside gun safe. Not only do I keep my Walther .380 and a magazine filled with hollow points inside, I keep it filled with my meds. Now if I can only remember the damn code. I knew I should have gone for the biometric model.
21 comments:
HAHAHA.. I went recently to my Internist about a similar problem, but I SWORE there was a "swooshing" feeling from my calf to my big toe.. and it just HAD to be stenosis or a blood clot.
Turns out - I need to stay off the heels. ;-)
I kind of have a feeling that's what he's going to tell me. pouting.
I have no doubt it's cancer. I will pray you don't lose your entire leg or worse, the ability to wear stilettos.
I know! It HAS to be cancer! I will, however, find a way to wear stilettos!
Hahaha! Loved this post! Everytime I get a really bad headache, I tell my husband, "I'm pretty sure it's a brain tumour"....so far, just a headache. Good luck on the chemo/radiation for your toe!
arthritis is unfortunately not just for the old fogies. i got it in both my knees from being in a couple accidents when i was in high school. damn motorcycle crash turned me into a stiff kneed old woman!
Wait a Diva without her stilettos is like Gucci without her tatas.. It must be some horrific foreign disease that requires the constant care of well built males dressed in some form of uniform to massage your feet and anywhere else to ensure healing and prevent spreading.. Yes that is it.
Yeah.. cause cancer would stop you from wearing stilettos ? pffhht
But I'm SURE the doctor will appreciate your diagnosis, it'll save him some leg work ;-)
And for the record, I'm 5'2", stilettos make me look like a little person on stilts .
Enjoy yours, sunshine.
I'd just like to say that all I could think about when I was reading this is that my husband, who I adore, has pain in his big toe. And now I'll tease him forever that it must be from the stillettos....
You can wear your stilettos if you cut the heels off of them.
I, too, have pain in my right big toe. Doc says arthritis....not stilettos.
Sorry to hear of your pain. Pain is never fun! As I am currently experiencing, again.
Is the pain in your toe keeping you from putting your best foot forward? Didn't think so.
Great that you've got a wonderful family to care for you through this medical misadventure. Drinks and meals served at bedside. The kind of treatment every Diva deserves.
Blessings and Bear hugs in an un-fun time, Teri.
That whole last part was so lost on me, a bluestater from NYawk!
I had the SAME problem....started about a year or so ago. But I DON'T wear heels. Doctor checked me for gout - nope, even checked if it was broken - nope. Finally diagnosed arthritis! I had to have a cortisone shot in the joint - talk about pain! It helped for awhile, now my toe is hurting again. Don't know if I can bring myself to have another shot.
Now really should the meds be locked up with the gun?
--I hate to tell you this, Diva, but it's the damn stilettos.
I don't know about you, but I'd rather lose my big toe than not wear my black stilettos.
Or, perhaps you can just wear them to bed :) Baaahaaaa Xxx
I am completely fascinated with your medication and your protection being in the same safe!
Perhaps they could amputate, you could get a gorgeous prosthesis that you'd never have to work out in order to have a finely toned calf and then you could still wear the stilettos .....
you guys crack me up!
And Nolie I have to keep the opiates and benzos locked away from the grand kids.
Pat, you've convinced me.....NO SHOTS!
Hey Teri- if it isn't cancer and they say you can NEVER wear them again- I will take em- I mean someone has to wear the manolos, they would be to die for in Charleston, and after all- we do wear the same size......just want them to go to good use. Do you have a pair that would look good with my blue flight suit?
oh my dear dear hypochodriac diva
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