What The Heck Is It?

Well, I've done it. I cut my dosage (with doctor's approval) of Geodon in half. I'm only taking 80 mgs at night and guess what? I'm still sane, although it has only been one week. My goal is to totally get the poison out of my system and still be able to be sane enough to be granted a concealed weapons permit. After all Sandra Fluke said a girl needs protection, right?

Lately my stress level has increased greatly, but I partly attribute that to having to find a new girl to do my hair. Anything to do with my hair, my shoes or my lingerie can send me into full fledged panic attacks. I did find a girl to cut and color my hair. She did it today and I love it! She's the one! She corrected the major f^@k up created by the last colorist that left me looking like a blonde hooker.

So why am I experiencing such a high level of anxiety right now? My hair looks great, my shoes are all there, my lingerie is intact, and I got an awesome compliment today. A guy at Starbucks told me that I always manage to look great. How cool is that for a 50 year old grandmother that hasn't seen the inside of a gym in over a year?

But the anxiety and stress is still there. Not quite sure how to tackle it. I've taken an ativan and a muscle relaxer, I'm hiding in my room, but it won't leave. I feel this weight on me and I can't for the life of me figure out what it is.

There are several possibilities, however. (was there supposed to be an apostrophe before "however?")

Possibility number one. I haven't shopped for shoes or lingerie in months. Could it be withdrawl symptoms?

Possibility number two: I really don't like this time of year. I have such a big family and it's so stressful making sure everything is even. Those families with only one kid have it made!

Possibility number three: I have six, yes you read that right, six grandkids coming over to my house Saturday afternoon sans parents to spend the night . They're going to decorate the tree and do whatever small rodents, I mean children, do. Boy the Xanax will be flowing through my veins that night, and maybe a little Patron. 

Ativan hasn't relieved it. Zanaflex hasn't relieved it. The more I think about it, the more I think there's only one cure.

Oh Deanna, I think I need to rent your beach house for a weekend!