Ya Just Never Know

I try, I mean I really try, not to talk about my kids on this site much. I mean, I really fight being a "mommy" blogger. After raising kids for 29 years and still having 4 at home I'm all mommied out. But tonight is an exception.

See my son, I'll just call him Michael (kinda like I did when he was born), just started his new job. He's been looking for a job forever and he's lucky he finally found one. His first day was yesterday.

He works taking in donations for Goodwill. He accepts the donations, writes receipts, sorts the junk items, and loads them onto trucks to send to the other centers.

Michael's not much of a talker so I was asking lots of questions.

"So what kind of things did you take in yesterday?"

"Well, clothes, furniture, a raccoon, knives, lots of ammo. Ya know, just stuff."

"A raccoon?"

"Yeah, he was stuffed."

"Well Michael what was the most interesting thing you took in, the thing that you'd buy for yourself?"

"A grenade launcher. It was pretty cool."

"What was the weirdest thing you took in?"

"A crack pipe."

"WTH? A freaking crack pipe?! Why in the hell would anyone donate a crack pipe? What box did you put that in?"

"The haz-mat box."

Kid is being pretty boring at this point. Nothing is seeming to get much of a reaction out of him at all. I had to get more inventive with my questions.

"Did you take in any used underwear?"

"Lots."

Well that didn't get a reaction.

"Michael, what was the most disgusting thing you took in?"

"Sex toys."

Now I'm spewing iced tea.

"WHAT?"

Totally straight faced he said "I told you sex toys Mom."

"How did you know it was a sex toy?"

"Well for one it was pink. For another is was see through."

"And out of that you get that it was a sex toy? Was is shaped like anything?"

I mean this is a pretty sheltered kid. Maybe his imagination was getting the best of him.

"Well Michael, was it shaped like anything?"

Michael picked up his iced tea, took a sip, I think in the hopes of avoiding the question.

Then his Dad asks, "Well Michael was it shaped like a tillie-winker?"

Michael chokes on his tea, finally cracks a smile and wipes the tea off of his mouth and off of the table.

"Well Michael, was it shaped like a tillie-winker?"

Who in the hell says "tillie-winker?"

The kid that never laughs burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Enough said. You've answered that question."

"Wait, Michael," I asked, "what box did you put that into?"

"Haz-mat."

I sure hope he wears gloves.