The Other Woman

“It’s like cutting though leather. Make sure to cut firmly.” After those instructions the doctor handed the scissors to the only man in the room.

“Ok, I got it.” Fighting back tears Jeff took the scissors and cut through the umbilical cord.

There was crying, well actually screaming coming out of this little 7 lb. baby boy. As soon as the cord was cut the slippery baby was loosely wrapped in a soft, warmed blanket and handed to his trembling father. The screaming infant had a head full of black fuzz and was still wet with the fluid that had protected him for nine months. Immediately after the baby was put into his daddy’s waiting arms Jeff began to sing Amazing Grace. Instantly the baby quieted. He turned his little brown head and looked directly into his father’s tear-filled eyes. The child recognized the voice of the man that had sang that song on a tape that had been played every day during the last half of the pregnancy.

The room was crowded with the doctor, several nurses, the parents of this new little life and the woman that knew the baby she had carried all those months was not hers to keep. In that crowded little hospital room there was not one person with dry eyes. The baby knew that he was in the arms of his daddy. At the same time a bond had been severed a new family was formed. The tiny bundle was then with his forever parents.

The baby was named Michael Julian. Julian is a family name that runs back for generations in the new mother’s family. The baby at once was enveloped by a new past, a new future and a new life. Michael was a happy baby that was the center of his family’s life. It seemed that this child had been a part of the family since the beginning of time. He had an older sister and brother that cherished and protected him as he grew. He had parents that kissed his owies, taught him how to skate and nurtured him from the beginning.

The years went by and his parents sensed his sensitive nature. Michael always knew that he was adopted; it was a part of his birth story. Even if the family had wanted to hide that important fact Michael would have known. He was of mixed heritage. His skin was a beautiful mocha brown and his hair was black and curly. He did share one physical feature with his new mommy; their eyes were the same auburn brown color. Michael’s adoption was common knowledge but it made no difference he belonged where he was.

Today on Facebook I got a friend request. It was from the woman that chose me so many years ago to mother the baby she had carried. As I stared at the request I felt adrenaline rush through my body. My face grew hot and my heart began racing. I couldn’t help but stare at the picture of the woman that had made the request. I thought of Michael’s sensitivity. I thought about what his reaction could be. I thought about how his future could change and I felt the intense fear of possibly of losing my child, my baby, my Michael. Some of my fears were rational, some were not.

I know that Jeff and I are the parents of this special 18 yr old. I know that he is of the age to make the decision to meet her. I also know that it would be too much for him to handle right now. But the feelings that return to me again and again are feelings of losing my son. I feel angry that the request was made. That choice should be Michael’s and Michael’s alone. I feel guilty of not being more understanding. I feel selfish and scared.

I continued to stare at the request. I called my daughter, the sister that loves him like no other. We talked and no decision was made. I thought of the problems that had been in this woman’s life and why we had to cut ties with her. I thought of the trouble that the children she raised were in. I thought of the other children that she had given away and of the one that she had aborted. I thought of how different Michael’s life would have been.

I ignored the request.