Things I learned from my Dad

Never put a clothes pin on a cat's tail.
Willie Nelson is cool.
Respect everyone except for the purposely stupid or arrogant.
A 1963 Austin Healy is one hot car.
Ponies can never be trusted.
Cockroaches are Satan in bug form.
If a junebug gets in your ear, hold a flashlight up to your ear canal and the bug will painfully claw his way out, but hey....he's out
It's "Hey!" NOT ""Hay!" roflmfao!
Texas is a state of mind as is New Orleans
Oysters are fantastic!
How to shoot the legs off of a wasp with a pellet gun
How to get the wasp to be still long enough to shoot his legs off
Never strike a match near a haystack that your grandfather is standing on
If you have to share a bottle of soda with your brother, give him the top half, the bottom half has more.
Road trips are a blast.
Oreos and beer do not mix well digestively
Escargot feels like a cat's tongue
Never speak when a parent is on the phone, or breathe for that matter.
You can set a house on fire by trying to make a hot air balloon out of a blow torch and a black trash bag
You're only as good as your dog thinks you are
Fishing is not as much about catching as it is about catching up
Modulators always should be put on the head and tail lights of a motorcycle
A rolled up magazine works well as a splint in an emergency
Family is defined by those you love, not by blood
Cat hair sticks to your tongue
My dad did not like cats and liked messing with the kids
You can make a toy out of anything
Never ask a horse, "Why such a long face?"
So I said to this emu......
How to change the oil in my car
That he loved me
Learn to judge your parents' moods
Don't listen when he tells you to pinch your naked aunt
You can be more scary and unsettling by being quiet than by screaming
A great punishment will give the parents a weed-free yard
A good parent will listen
If you ever put a cat in a bag, don't let go
Do, don't try
That he loved my grandson enough to trade his life for Josiah's
And that I loved him more than he ever knew.