Emotions, Excitement, and Exhaustion

With some personal turmoil, the last year or so, I feel that I'm being pulled in so many ways, down so many paths, all to try to survive, to make a living, to enjoy life.

Work has been so much fun, and this new project will be so very exciting, but it takes much energy, and there is no pay, yet. We're hoping for a great payout, but right now it's a crap shoot.

I do have some back up plans, one of which has already started, but then again, all the work to get it going, and no pay yet, is exhausting.

Then, there is a third, that I'm working on. I'm working for free now, to gain a resume, so I can dazzle those that delegate. 

None of the projects I can speak of in detail of yet, but I dream of the day I can.

My life is upside down, in one way, and on the fast track, in another way. There is no down time, no time to chill, to do nothing, and that is something I need right now.

I'm moving again, and packing has commenced. That, too, is kicking my butt. What do I take, what do I store?

Some of the items I was looking at were my grandmother's diamond encrusted watch, her jewelry, and my mother's wedding ring, her jewelry, and even my own. Those, to me, are the most important things, the most valued items, I have.

I cannot wait until the day I can give my granddaughter my mother's wedding ring, put it on her finger, and watch her eyes sparkle. It got me to thinking that I need to ensure those items go to her at the right time. When she's 18? 21? Or when she gets married? I know the time will present itself when it's right.

I look around my apartment, and there aren't many things here to pack really, but what to do with it all, where to put it, is always on my mind.

I was in a production meeting today, and so many things were decided. Then the door was shut, and advice given, good advice, and reassurance. But bottom line, we have a plan, dates scheduled, and it's all coming together!

It's been nearly a year in the working, and to see it come together is exciting. It has been a hurry up and wait thing, but we're in the final stages. A few things happened that changed our course, but I think it's for the better. It's exciting, scary, and I'm so ready to get to the finish line!

So much is happening, none of which I can really write about, yet, and not having the outlet of writing has been difficult. But with my personal life upside down, my possible careers exciting, and the future uncertain, I'm still making it, one step at a time.

I'm holding my head up, I refuse to speak with drama, or write libelous pieces. It's unfortunate that there are those that seem to froth at the mouth, for bits of gossip to turn into mountains of things so far from the truth, that they are alien, and so far from reality it's crazy. I refuse to do that.

I'm beginning to become surrounded by friends, real friends, that are emotionally supporting me right now. The true colors of people come out when there is difficulty, some put on blinders, and are so easily swayed by their ignorance, and others are non biased, and there to help.

I think I see a rainbow, a real rainbow.

Lovingly,