Tell Me It Didn't Happen

Before I knew it, it was there. There was no notice, no "Hey, I'm running by," nothing.

It had been a perfectly beautiful motorcycle ride. The September air was warm and the feeling of autumn was far away. There were no clouds, the mountains could be seen for miles.

My friend and I had been riding through the countryside of Washington, going to get a peek of Mt. Adams. We hadn't a care in the world and were thoroughly enjoying every second of our Sunday ride.

Then it happened. It was so fast that I didn't have a chance to react. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a brown fluffy tail, then felt a thump, a thumb beneath each of my tires. I couldn't look back, I couldn't look in the mirror. It had to have died.

Then a terrible thought entered my mind, what if I'd only injured it? My friend was right behind me and I knew he would also feel those thumps, then it would surely be dead.

I couldn't get it out of my mind for the next half hour. I couldn't believe I hit something, I couldn't believe I killed something. No matter what I tried to fill my mind with, thoughts of the horrible act kept creeping back.

Finally we came to a stop. I got off my bike and pulled off my helmet. As I was shaking out my hair he walked up to me. I asked him if he saw what had happened.

As only he can do, he began laughing so hard I thought he might actually have a heart attack.

As his laughter subsided he managed to get out, "Teri you NAILED it! It jumped out of the woods, ran into the road and BOOM, you killed it! Then I hit it, so I'm sure it's dead."

"But WHAT was it?"

"What do you mean what was it? It was a squirrel, what did you think it was? Sasquatch?"

I could feel my eyes stinging with tears.

"Teri, it was a SQUIRREL!"

"I know, but there's probably squirrel guts all over my bike!"

Mt. Adams

Mt. Hood

Hood River

Windsurfers

The Columbia River Gorge

 

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Not Allowed

Some of you know about my son Joshua. He's 19, has aspergers/autism and is in the Job Corps.

He came home for the summer for a home based work internship at a grocery store deli near the house. He's studying culinary and wants to be a chef one day. He's a sweet kid with a good heart but there are some deep, dark problems with some of his behaviors.

He's shown these behaviors since he was about 12 and was in intensive therapy for them for years. Nothing we did seemed to help. I don't want to go too far into them but I will say that Nikki and I are  the ones that are victimized by his behaviors. We have to be on constant guard when he's in the house. 

While he was home this last time it happened again, only worse. The last time it happened his dad told him that if he did these things again he wouldn't be allowed back in the house. He would have to find another place to live, that his actions were making it unsafe and fearful for people in the house and that wouldn't be tolerated. 

We had no choice but to keep our word and tell him that he would not be allowed to stay at the house again.  Right now he's at Job Corps and has weekends off. He can come home or stay at the dorms. Since he left he hasn't asked to come home for the weekend, he knows he can't.

Yesterday he called. He wanted to see us, he was lonely and wanted his family. I went and picked him up to go to dinner and it was wonderful. He's so mature and he was so sweet. It broke my heart to know how he must feel that he's no longer allowed to stay in his home. But there are other lives involved and we can't allow his choices to endanger those that are at home.

He finished with his culinary training with honors and now is beginning a second trade, business. That should take about 14 months to complete. So for now we don't have to worry about where he'll be sleeping and we can always go out and visit him and take him to dinner.

It's when he finishes that training that I worry about. Where will he live? Will he make enough money to survive? Will we have to go to court to be able to help him take care of his money and living situation? There are so many questions. Luckily Job Corps will help with all of that.

Even though I know the full situation and how it impacts the family I can't help but feel extreme compassion for my child. I'm scared for him, I worry about him and I hurt for him. The reality isn't only hard for him, it's hard for me as well. I just hope we can make it all work out in a way that benefits us all.

I  love my son no matter what and I want him to have the best life he possibly can.





 

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I hope I Was Dressed!

My sons just informed me that my Ambien sleep walking is not over! I thought I had it licked.

Evidently several months ago I got up in the middle of the night frantically yelling for Cole. Jeremiah said I had cake all over my face and insisted I needed Cole.

Cole came upstairs and they took me back to bed. Geeze, I sure hope I was wearing something!



 

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Questions, I Need Your Questions!

I thought I had this under control. I thought I knew the right questions to ask. I thought I could keep a psychologist for more than a month. But I thought wrong.

The last psychologist fired me just a month into treatment. I guess that was a good thing. I'm still not sure why he thought Dialetical Behavioral Therapy would be a better option for me, maybe I just scared him.

In therapy I don't hold any punches and I say and ask what's on my mind. Then after the mini-crisis I had I think he thought he was going to have to work harder. Geesh! And I didn't even call him during it!

My other docs I lost all due to "health care reform." They said the face of medicine was changing and it was going to be way too expensive for them to keep their private practices. I understand that one.



So I'm asking for your help this time. Help me with questions for these new docs I'm interviewing. It can be anything, I'm game. I have my standard list of questions but I'm thinking I need to add more to it. 

The new doc has to be willing to be interactive, have a sense of humor (a humorless psychologist is SUCH a bore!), and be willing to work with me, even it the going gets tough. I'm generally an easy patient, but I need someone to work with me and not against me.

I know my diagnosis, I know my issues, well most of them, and I need someone to help me work through them and not around them. I'd really like someone that will want to jump right in and work and not do the dance of the obligatory "get to know" you routine. I know they have to get to know me, but it doesn't take a month to get to know someone, especially when they will have a chart of several years worth of notes to look through.

So what do you think? Do you have any questions for me to add to my list? I'm dying to hear about them if you do. And I will give you feedback on your question, whatever the doc says, I'll tell you.

So let's get to work, shall we?



 

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They Need To Quit Messing With Me!

Today was the third time, as in first, second, third, time that a doctor told me PTSD can be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder.

I admit that I have a lot of PTSD: severe domestic violence, a gun being held to my head numerous times and a knife to my throat more times than I can count.

My daughter was stalked, raped and ended up pregnant. I watched my grandson die, my mother was killed, I had a grandson born three months early, my brother found my father dead, my granddaughter was born three months early and all this is just the tip of the ice berg. So, yes, I realize I have some pretty significant PTSD  issues, BUT, listen closely doctors, don't go messin' with my diagnosis!

I mean I have an image to keep up! "The Bipolar Diva" has a ring to it and I just got notice from the federal government trade mark office that I'm so, so close to having "The Bipolar Diva" trademarked, so leave my diagnosis alone!

All that and I can look back and see stitch together the episodes in my life, and I can do the same with my genetic background and even I can tell you it's bipolar disorder!

Plus I have a bulk of really cool "Bipolar Diva" pens and some awesome "Bipolar Diva" business cards and the list goes on.

So please, I beg you, please stop the musical diagnosis' on me!




 

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Sunday Stealing

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we also have our rules. First, we always credit the blog that we stole it from and we will “fess up” to the blog owner where we stole the meme. We also provide a link to the victim's post. (It's our way of saying "Thanks!") We do sometimes edit the original meme, usually to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, sometimes to select that meme's best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from either this new meme or recently asked questions from a prior featured meme. Let's go!!!

Today we ripped off a blogger named Metalmom from the blog I Don't Want to Hear About It. We will do the fifty questions in two parts. She explains that she got it from Robin from the blog Libra Girl. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing! 






 
Sunday Stealing: The Too Tired to Think Meme, Part 1
 
1. You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station. What do you get?
Cheetos, Moon Pie and a Sobe.....hey it's balanced enough!

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
 A Seahorse, or a really cool mermaid....a shimmery mermaid!

3. Who’s your favorite redhead?
Lucy of course

4. What do you order when you’re at IHOP?
Ok, so what is IHOP?

5. Last book you read?
John

6. Describe your mood.
kind of eh, it's just been on of those years.

7. Describe the last time you were injured.
The last time I was REALLY injured was when the lady ran me over when I was on my motorcycle. When I was somewhat injured I had been drinking and I fell flat on my butt bruising the heck out of my arm.

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Angela with some pineapple infused Patron and a Dodger shirt. We'll see if she reads this. I'll get a nasty text I'm sure. Thing is I have no idea who the Dodgers are?

9. Rock concert or symphony?
Most likely rock

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone? The number? (We'll just say "hi" - promise.)
It says "Sometimes I pretend being normal but it gets boring so I go back to being me." The number is 800-IM CRAZY

11. Favorite soda?
Cream Soda

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
Harley, as if I have anything else?

13. If you could only use one form of transportation?
That's a hard one. I like all of my transportation.

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theater?
RED

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for.
Johnny Depp and George Clooney as long as he didn't spew his political view points

16. What’s your favorite kind of cake?
Lemon

17. What did you have for dinner last night?
hahahahaha, I'm too embarrassed to say

18. Look to your left, what do you see?
3 paintings that a friend in Puerto Vallarta did for me

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
I don't wear shoes with ties

20. Favorite toy as a child?
A clown, I think it's pretty sad that when my grandkids answer this their answer will be an iPad

21. Do you buy your own groceries?
Sometimes.......that's a main reason I got the kids all a debit card....I HATE buying groceries!

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Of course. I know a couple that do and that it will never change so be it.

23. When was the last time you had gummy worms?
years

24. What’s your favorite fruit?
cantaloupe 


25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
Oh God, let's hope not!

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For Them Both

Wow, it's been eight years since he was born and nearly eight years since he died. It seems like yesterday, it seems like an eternity. If you don't know about Isaiah you can read about him here.

Tonight we gathered to celebrate the birth of our angel, Isaiah. This year, however, there were more smiles and fewer tears. This year was a celebration of the day The Creator blessed us with an angel He allowed us to have physically for 12 weeks. Though the sadness is still there, we can rejoice that we were trusted to care for him and to hold him close for the time we had him.

As usual we released balloons for Isaiah, but this year I released balloons for Jack as well. You can read more of Jack and his story here. He, too, was a beautiful boy that was here only for a short time. So tonight, along with celebrating the life of Isaiah, I celebrated the life of Jack. Tonight the angels carried the balloons to heaven for both handsome young men.

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