No Words

Three years ago today I got a call from my brother. I then made a call to my youngest brother and waited. When I could wait no longer I called him back. Two hours later I was on a plane Texas bound.

Three years ago today my foundation crumbled. I felt like a kite that had its string cut. I was floating aimlessly not sure where, or if, I would land.

Three years ago tonight I was sitting at my dad's house getting my drink on with my brothers. I watched my sister clean the carpet. I couldn't help her, not that night. That night I spent in the arms of my brothers we were drinking and crying.

The next morning I tried to clean the carpet. I worked on it all day with the help of the others. We took turns. We took turns remembering our foundation. We took turns trying to forget what happened. We took turns trying to remember everything that happened.

The world ended for my brothers and me that day. Our grieving father had finally joined my mother. The blood was real, the blood was proof. He was happy, we were devastated. Even though we were all in our 40's we were orphans. My Dad  traded his life for the life of my grandson.

Three years ago this week we had a Dixie Land goodbye party. Dad had chosen all the music and had CDs made. I spoke in front of a packed chapel. I was compelled to, for my dad. Then we laid my Dad next to my Mom. It felt right. They were together.

My brother texted me today to see how I was. I thought it was sweet for him to text. I thought he texted about all the crap that's been going on here. I blocked out the date. I didn't remember. I didn't want to remember.

I'm a terrible daughter.

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Four Years

It’s been four years and one day since I heard her voice.


It’s been four years today that I got the call.

It’s been four years today that she fell.

It’s been four years today that the ambulance came.

It’s been four years today that the doctor made a negligent call.

It’s been four years this hour that I was on a plane in shock.

It’s been four years today that my Dad kept asking for me.

It’s been four years today that one life ended and many lives changed.

It’s been four years ago today that I heard the words “I’m so sorry Teri. Your mama just died.”

It’s been four years today that part of me died too.

It’s been four years and the tears keep coming.

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The Baby

The sun shines brightly today


No clouds, no wind


But rain is falling and the mood is heavy


I hear him cry and my heart breaks


My tears fall freely as they did all the months of his life


He's holding my kisses and the angel I placed in his small lifeless hand


He is peaceful now, but we are left with the pain of his demise


When he left he took my heart, my joy and my life


How I want him back for just one more day


To tell him I love him, to kiss him and to smell him


Before placing him back into the safe arms of his Creator

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Isaiah

The sun shines brightly today
No clouds, no wind
But the rain is falling and the mood is heavy
I hear him cry and my heart breaks
My tears fall freely, as they did all the months of his life
He's holding my kisses and the angel I placed in his small lifeless hand
He is peaceful now, but we are left with the pain of his demise
When he left he took my heart, my joy and my life
How I want him back just one more day
To tell him I love him, to kiss him and to smell him
Before handing him back into the safe arms of his Creator

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