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Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts

Corners

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Last night was bike/taco night at a local biker bar. It's been a hangout for me for years on Wednesday nights, even though I don't ever drink and ride.

Last year I had people come up and tell me the changes they had noticed in me, all for the better. That was cool, and surprising that people actually noticed things I hadn't.

However, last night was an amazing night. It began rather slowly. I was thinking the night was going to be a bust, but I was wrong.

A man I know, and have known from the bar for years, talked to me for quite awhile. He told me things he had witnessed over the years. He also spoke with my boyfriend for quite some time. Afterward he made a point of telling me, several times, how impressed he was with my guy, the way he treated me, and how happy he was to see the oppression had been lifted from my life. I had no idea he had been watching my situation for all those years, but he had.

Then another long time friend, I hadn't seen in a long time, came in and we talked and had such fun horsing around and I didn't have to worry about how it was perceived, or what would happen afterward.

As if all that wasn't enough, a man I had been searching for since moving back was suddenly there when I turned around. His beautiful wife was with him. I was overjoyed.

I stood there with jaw dropped as I stared into those sparkling blue eyes of his. I had posted all over Facebook, and other social media sites, and told everyone at the Harley dealership, to give him and his wife my number if they saw him. He was one of the first I wanted to introduce my boyfriend to. I knew they would love each other.

They have so much in common, long silver pony tails, great attitudes, hard core bikers, and a genuineness not found in many. Before I saw him I found out he was very ill, terminal, and hadn't been around much, so to see him and his wife was a total surprise. Then I found out he and my boyfriend had already been talking about my friend's new toy. A "Slingshot." Neither had any idea who the other one was. It was a true gift from God. 

New friends, old friends, the freedom to be myself and talk to people, and having an amazing man by my side supporting me all the way was truly a blessing from above.

I've found the biker culture to be one of the most caring, compassionate, and honest group of people I've ever been involved with.

What I learned last night was that they all had my back, and had for years. I just never knew how closely they had been watching out for me.

Bronson, Joy, and their new Slingshot!

Albee!

The guy totally stole my photo shoot!

Corner feet

Gratefully,

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New Sensation

Saturday, November 29, 2014


She shut off the water of the hot, steamy shower she had taken, not only to cleanse her body, but to also aid in ridding her soul, from layers of toxic threads that had slowly entrapped her.

In her hands she gathered her blonde hair and began to squeeze from it what she could of the remaining water she had immersed herself in.

She watched as the droplets that fell, formed streams that traced her bare body, as Newton’s Law prevailed. She imagined, willed, them to envelope, and carry with them, poisonous particles that had pierced, and bound, her spirit from wounds both past and present.

She stepped from the calming atmosphere she had luxuriated in, grabbed a thick, white, cotton, towel to wrap her still dripping hair, and another to dry the shell that embodied her essence.

As she filled her hands with her trademark scented lotion, she carefully studied the symbols on her body of broken chains. Symbols that had been permanently injected into her soft, ivory, skin. To her they not only represented the opening of a locked door, but also the key to a life yet to be explored. 

The air was heavy with steam as she cracked the door to allow a fresh breeze to fill her lungs. She removed the saturated towel from her hair, shook her head, allowing her long, blonde, tresses to fall to her waist, and cover much of her torso.

When the fog had been carried away with the light breeze, she stepped to the mirror. She gazed at the same face, partially covered with wefts of wavy, wet, hair, she had seen every day for decades, but this time noticed something different. 

There was a glimmer, a sparkle, in her auburn eyes, and a new sensation of inner growth, and within it she saw her true self. Although fearful of what was to come in much of her new life, she was certain, and committed, in other areas.

She stood there, as bare as her new-found existence, and felt the confines of the silken threads, in which she had been bound, begin to dissolve. With that she sensed, and embraced, the colorful wings she had always carried, but had never been allowed to fully open, emerging.  

Although fear’s talons still gripped her, she felt a confidence never before felt, and realized within herself she did have the capability to truly be happy. 


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Freedom

Sunday, February 5, 2012


When I think about it I guess we're all bound by something, but there are times I want to go back to the days before I was diagnosed with bipolar. I want to be free of the label. I want to just be me.

I want the carefree times of not having to count out meds, of not having to make it to psychiatrist appointments. I want the freedom to be what I thought was me, impulsive, daring, and outgoing.

Most of the time I felt I could conquer the world. I felt so good I knew if I had been younger I could have done back flips. I liked the adventure and the ever changing scenery of my life.

My psychiatrist would call those times "hypomania," and they came with a price. They came with the price of being chained to deep bouts of depression. They came with relationship problems. They came with bonds of the lure of self harm, of destruction.

Today, even though sometimes I wish I was in the days before the term bipolar entered my life, I realize I truly am free. I'm free of the bondage caused by the carefree times, the impulsive times, the throw caution to the wind times. I'm free of the depression that consumed me at times, that kept me in bed and away from the people I love.

I'm free to make my own decisions, not ones marred by an emotional roller coaster. I'm free to enjoy my life without damaging others or myself. I'm free in knowing my demons have a name and I'm free to conquer them.

Now I am free. Truly free.

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The Stronger Force

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The fog has lifted, the clouds have fled


And with them has gone the barrier that prevented


The radiance of the sun from being impressed upon my soul


Its essence had been unable to reach the innermost depressions of my being


While being anxiously absorbed by my parched and trampled spirit


Benefits of this new found energy are difficult for my mind to recognize


Instead it fears the strangeness brought forth may instead singe my naked soul


Logic and heart will bond and the perfect balance intended by the Creator will be experienced


One day surely the haze will come again but its grip quickly loosed by the brilliance of its radiance


And this light shall remain the stronger force.

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