Contrast
Thursday, April 21, 2011
In contrast to my thoughts, the blackened room is strangely refreshing.
The only stimuli are the continual purring of the ceiling fan above me, deep, rhythmic breathing to my left and the dimly lit clock to my right with its glaring proclamation that night has passed and early morning hours are here.
Sleep has proven elusive yet again. The breeze from the fan is chilling to my naked body but thinking of lying beneath the blanket, trying to stop the racing thoughts, is claustrophobic.
I've looked over the prescription bottles at my bedside a number of times. I've already consumed a myriad of medications during the last few hours in the attempt to attain, what tonight, seems unattainable. In my mind echos of the words, "just one more, just one more" taunt me. I fully realize that just one more could be one too many. So I wait and I write. Meanwhile the clock ticks away reminding me of my failure to stop the thoughts and rest peacefully.
Wish me luck, I'm going to give it one more chance.
24 comments:
Hope your sleeping improves. Never had a issue sleeping naked hell just the thought of that would drive me into deep naughty sleep. Maybe you should try it with some clothes on.
Oh how I hate nights like that and I am not bipolar. My son however is and he does the same thing. He takes Seroquel but we also give him a melatonin on those rough nights when the other meds don't cut it.
I'm fully convinced that if I could ever get a full night's RESTFUL sleep (no nightmares, no crazy dreams), my mental health would improved tenfold.
I have had my fair share of sleepless nights lately too. And much like you, I stare at the pills I know should give me what I want/need, and yet, I can't bring myself to reach for them.
I hope that you found your peace and your sleep and your quiet. Bipolar is such a fucking bitch sometimes.
Sleep. The most elusive criminal out there. If you ever manage to catch him, then please let me know the secret. I have been trying for an entire lifetime and not been able to.
::wraps up diva in her arms and holds her close::
Race brain is an uncomfortable and haunting place to be. I feel for you.
I know this feeling well! I hope you get some rest boo!
Have you ever seen that picture of a window open and the curtains are blowing from a slight breeze? There's nothing else in the room. When my mind is racing at night and I can't fall asleep, I picture that photo, and I add a bed to it with me lying in it. I feel the warm breeze blowing on me. I clear my head of all thoughts and lie there. My mind is blank and drift off to sleep.
I get the most stuff accomplished when I'm awake at 2am and can't sleep ;) I hope you can sleep tonight...*hugs*
Must be something in the air... soo many have written about the same thing...
wow i hope you can sleep tonight everyone needs there rest and i feel your pain about not getting enough.
Are you then able to sleep during the day? It is truly hard to get all the thoughts out of our heads so that we can sleep. I do wish you peace and rest.
Late night/early morning non-sleep. Not fun at all.
I do hope you can make something work. I'm afraid this time, a Bear hug would probably be too claustrophobic. Perhaps I should just sit at your bedside, and hum some Bear songs, in time with the fan, to relax you.
Oh girl, I can so relate. The racing thoughts, the inability to settle. Didn't sleep at all last night and got 3 hours the night before that...absolutely infuriating..if U ever want to get up and chat, I'm usually up all thru the night! I hope you get some relief love :)
I know what you are going through. I slept a while last night after being awake two nights. I got up at 1am. I watched a movie, made breakfast and started blogging. I'm glad you keep trying. Doylene
I know how hard it is not to sleep at night. It's exhausting. Hope you get a good night sleep!
Ahhh poor DIVA. At times like these, that is why they invented BLOGGING! If that doesn't help, as a back-up take two infomercials and call me in the morning!! Hope you feel better soon! W.C.C.
That sounds like my nights every night. Except under the blanket is scalding hot and not under it is freezing! But I don't take any pills, I just get up.
Diva
I totally get these times! I too suffer from this and just came out of a slump. Well, I am climbing UP.
Anyways, u r NOT alone!
Jonesie~~
My daily blog of whatever comes to mind!
Some censorship warnings may need to be applied here:
http://msjanetjones.blogspot.com/
My personal blog recounting memories good & bad from my life:
http://thingsinmyrearviewmirror.blogspot.com/
I wish I couldn't empathize, but I can. Hugs.
I have never felt so much pain over sleep. This was hard to read, but so well written. I do pray that things have gotten better.
I’m a new follower, here from the Over 40s. Come follow me!
I find when my mind is restless nothing works, my body fights ambien and my mind wins.
I hope you can find some peace...hide the clock!!!
Post a Comment