Things I Wasn't Told

I saw the pictures. Cute pictures, many pictures, of adorable black and tan balls of fluff posted all over Facebook by one of my friends. Well my Yorkie is a blue and tan 4 lb, 6 year old, ball of fluff. Easy enough I thought.

Ha! It was a trap! All of that cuteness, along with my need for protection, got the best of me and I became the proud, but so very naive mommy of a beautiful 8 week old German Shepherd. I've had big dogs all of my life, not a problem, I've got this. Labs, I had Labs, huge difference I found out.

Even at 8 weeks old the turbulent tornado that I fell in love with was much more strong, willful, and curious, than any animal I've ever owned. I had no idea how smart these wonderful dogs are, I had not idea how challenging they are, I had no idea I would not be raising a "puppy," but rather an entire herd all bound into one sweet faced baby. Here are a few of the surprises.

She's about 4.5 months old and weighs around 50 pounds. She has not one malicious, mean, vicious, bone in her entire Clydesdale sized body.

Here are a few ways my life has changed:

• I will never again be able to go to the bathroom, or shower, alone. 
• Every dish is licked clean after I put it in the dishwasher as I ready the next. 
• I have one sock left of every pair I own. 
• I have to use a very complicated strategy when I open the refrigerator.
• When I open the dryer I just have to get used to the fact there will be a huge, black, curious, head shoved all the way in attempting to find a wash cloth, sock, or dryer sheet. 
• Digging. I have holes in my yard that were dug in mere seconds that could hold an entire sumo wrestling team.
• I'm thankful I have Saltillo tile floors that muddy, wet, paw prints can easily be removed from. 
• My couch seems to be a mere vaporous entity. She appears to just walk over it, no jumping, no hopping, just stepping. 
• I now know why so many German Shepherds are named "Shadow."
• The UPS man looks at her and runs the other way, she looks at the chickens behind the yard and runs the other way. 
• Her paws are large enough to be mistaken for bear claws at a bakery.
• Five foot tree limbs are only play toys. 
• I don't think that with all of my kids and grandchildren I ever had as many toys in my floor as I now do. 
• Anything on the counters is fair game. 
• It's kinda freaky to have my entire face licked in one swoop of a tongue while I sleep.
• I've never had a dog that's ever been so happy to see me. I'm her person and she's my baby. 
• I've never seen such loyalty in a furry friend. 
• Her eyes can melt the hardest of hearts. 
• I love her, she loves me, we're a team. 
• She's Karma, the charismatic, canine!

Read more...

She Slapped Me

Like many people that are in the public eye, pursuing public careers, my personalities are many. If I'm speaking to a group of foster/adoptive parents I may be more professional and compassionate. If I'm in front of the camera for the talk show with Jackie I'm silly, I have fun, I can let the Diva/adult/child out to play. If I'm in an interview I have the ability to tailor myself to the situation at hand with ease.

However I have few close friends. People tend to scare me a bit and I become much more of an introvert, especially when on the "turf" of another. I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers, I'll never see them again, I can be my bubbly, happy go lucky self, or engage in more intellectual conversation involving any, and every, thing under the sun.

My friends,  my real friends, on the other hand are few and carefully chosen. It takes me awhile to watch, listen, and see if it's a relationship that is safe or if it's not. Over the years I have carefully, purposely, wrapped my heart, and soul, heavily with sheaths of tin and barbed wire.

There was a misunderstanding with a "new" friend, I retreated as usual. She was hurt, never my intention, but I do see how I did indeed hurt her.

We had a long, deep, involved, conversation over the telephone and were able to straighten some things out. Then came a question I've never before been asked. "Why do you lie to your friends."
"What?" "You heard me. Why do you lie to your friends? From Facebook it seems all is perfect in your world and from our conversation it's not. Why do you lie to us?"

I'd never thought of it that way before, in that particular light. There are very few I let know my personal problems these days. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Also I hate whiny people that are so negative and complain about everything. Hell I've even told my therapist I feel badly for letting my problems out on him, and I pay him to listen and to advise me.

The truth is that I don't want to dwell on negativity. I don't want to be constantly complaining. Yes, I have an extremely complicated, scary life, but what good would it do to tell the world of the demons I face? It would do nothing more than make me more afraid and anxious, and it would put an unneeded burden on those I care about, and that is out of my life.

I'm learning how to face those demons, prioritize, segregate, and work on each of the monsters in the closet one by one, If I need help along the way I do have a few I can bounce ideas off of, and I do have my therapists, not to mention my writing.

I've learned the hard way most people don't want to help, they want fodder for gossip. I won't be a part of their lack of maturity and/or respect. I'm changing my life each day for the better, and will continue to do so with each breath that I take.

It was after her startling question I realized I am indeed changing. I'm not lying, I'm learning. I adore you my friend, you made me think. 

Lovingly,

Read more...

And Then Entered The Pig

Private Facebook accounts, most of us have them. I've been rather selective with whom I allow access to my private account, I get enough BS on my Fan pages, but that's to be expected.

Tonight's post all began with two of my FaceBook posts. One status update was:

"Friends, I have a couple of requests. First please NO profanity on my wall, and second if you have a question or comment about my private life please PM me. There are things that are really no one's business and when it's written on my wall it opens a can of worms that I'm choosing to keep closed. Thanks! "

The other:  

"These political double standards are making me sick!"

Well the one regarding the double standards of the campaign we're in was simple enough I thought. However a friend made a comment using inappropriate language and I asked him to edit it, which he did.

Another person, whom I shall not name, jumped on my request to have the comment edited and wrote a comment himself using the word I asked to be edited, in all caps, followed by a smart ass remark.  Misogyny at its finest. I'm sure he's not even familiar with the meaning of the word "misogyny," but he most certainly exemplifies it in its truest, most raw form.

I rarely get rude with people on my FB page, I don't want negativity in my life. I either scroll past, or if needed, delete their comment. His comment so enraged me with his blatant disrespect, not only for me, but for women as a whole, I fired back. If you could say "fired back."

I told him he was a disrespectful:

pig:

I also made  a few more comments that I can't remember at the moment. Women were jumping in letting him know their feelings as well.

I know 7th graders engage in "locker room" talk, and was curious so I looked through my friends' list. I can confidently attest that more than 90% of my male friends have class, and respect, for women and would never, even in private, speak in the manner this man felt free to write on my wall. This man has proven himself to have no class what-so-ever.

I can't help but wonder if his self esteem is so low he needs to degrade others, was he not taught properly as a child, or is he just a misogynistic pig? My husband even chimed in saying that if the man in question ever hurts his girlfriend, a friend of his, that this man would have hell to pay.

I'm very proud to say that all of my my sons hold women in the highest esteem, as do most of my male friends, and would never stoop to the level of a jr. high bully.

I can only assume the truth must have stung a bit with the comments that were made regarding his comment. He soon deleted it.

A question to men, and the women that put up with men like the one I wrote of, what would you do if a man spoke to your daughter, sister, mother, or wife in a misogynistic manner? There's your answer.

Peace out, and don't put up with the swine!

xoxoxo

Read more...