The Ambien Virgin Meets The Swinging Elf

In a palace far, far away in a village called Happy Valley, go figure, in a time long, long ago there lived this Ambien Virgin, I know, hard to believe these days right? Everyone that hasn't taken ambien please raise your hands....see no hands. I win.

This is going somewhere but first I have to make a side note: I was reading this new blog I found, or found me, well, somehow in bloggy land we connected and, well, I can't explain it, you're just going to go check it out for yourselves. It's called SSS Porch Party, and I so want to be a part of these people!

Anyway a post there reminded me of this yet unnamed, but totally known, Ambien Virgin. It had been a bad night. I'd like to say it was a dark and stormy night, and it was, only not with the weather. See, the Ambien Virgin and her King were arguing.

Not just "I'm gonna sleep on my side of the palacial bed with massive down pillows separating us," kind of argument. It was more like "I'm sleeping in the other chamber with the Bipolar Princess," type of argument.

This was after the Bipolar Princess had lost her youngest prince, the Ambien Virgin's grandson, to a horrible disease. The Bipolar Princess was staying in the palace trying to regain her sense of self and right her terribly wronged world.

The Bipolar Princess listened from her chamber. She heard slamming doors and loud voices. The Bipolar Princess had been through this drill before. She rolled her eyes, turned over and tried to sleep.

During the argument, and the huffing and puffing that ensued, the Ambien Virgin took a couple of ambien. Only one had been prescribed, but see, this Ambien Virgin sometimes plays fast and loose with the rules, kinda like Craps only with pills instead of dice. Then she stomped off to the chamber of the Bipolar Princess.

At this point in the story there are only flashes of memory of conversation with the Bipolar Princess. The Ambien Virgin was seeing things, specifically she was seeing an elf. Not just any elf, but an elf that lived in the wall and was swinging on the limb of a tree that was growing in the wall. Oh yes, bring on the ambien hallucinations.

The Ambien Virgin kept trying to get the Bipolar Princess to look at the elf, see the Ambien Virgin was amazed by the elf that lived in the wall. She wondered why, after all the years she had lived in the palace, she'd never before noticed the swinging elf.

The Bipolar Princess wanted nothing to do with the elf, but seemed annoyed with the Ambien Virgin's requests to look at the little swinging guy.

Finally out of a desperate need for sleep and a desperate need for the Ambien Virgin to close her mouth and go to sleep, the Bipolar Princess said, "Mom, he's always there. He comes out at night. Now SHUT UP about the damned elf and go to sleep!"

For some reason those words worked, and the Ambien Virgin didn't even scold the very naughty Bipolar Princess for swearing in her presence. The Ambien Virgin turned over, covered her head with a pillow....the elf might try to get her after all, and fell into a deep slumber.

The elf never re-appeared, although his presence is always felt.