I Miss You

I miss the way we'd go for coffee and spend hours talking.
I miss the way you would tell me things no one else knew.
I miss the sparkle in your eyes as you told things you were passionate about.
I miss the way you laughed at your own jokes until you cried.
I miss how you removed your glasses to wipe the falling tears from laughter.
I miss the way you looked at me.
I miss how proud of me you were.
I miss sitting doing nothing, just knowing you were near.
I miss how much I meant to you.
I miss your wisdom.
I miss your sense of humor.
I miss sitting on the back porch talking about any, and every, thing.
I miss your blue eyes looking at mine.
I miss how you warned me.
I miss how you listened to me, even when I rambled.
I miss how you heard me, you really heard me.
I miss how you told me what you saw, even though I didn't at the time. 
I miss how you gave me hope when there was no hope. 
I miss you telling me you loved me.
I miss you Daddy, and I always will. 

Read more...

I Was Told It Was Impossible

I was told it was impossible, but as you can see, it wasn't at all, not in the least.

All it took was a few hours, a bit of work, thought, team effort, and about $10.00.

Here it is, it's amazing, and we love it!

Let's begin!

Sizing it up.

The Pup approves

Joshua died

One rock at a time, one brick at a time.

Now for the travertine

Like a puzzle

A little direction. Joshua was so helpful!

Patience

filling the cracks and finishing up the puzzle

See, I helped

Sweeping in the sand

Final touches

We have fire!

Martini loves it!

Beautiful perfection for under $10.00

Perfect for the party this summer, and wonderful evening memories of summer nights in the North West with a fire, blankets, great company, and marshmallows.
 

Happily,

Read more...

Corners

Last night was bike/taco night at a local biker bar. It's been a hangout for me for years on Wednesday nights, even though I don't ever drink and ride.

Last year I had people come up and tell me the changes they had noticed in me, all for the better. That was cool, and surprising that people actually noticed things I hadn't.

However, last night was an amazing night. It began rather slowly. I was thinking the night was going to be a bust, but I was wrong.

A man I know, and have known from the bar for years, talked to me for quite awhile. He told me things he had witnessed over the years. He also spoke with my boyfriend for quite some time. Afterward he made a point of telling me, several times, how impressed he was with my guy, the way he treated me, and how happy he was to see the oppression had been lifted from my life. I had no idea he had been watching my situation for all those years, but he had.

Then another long time friend, I hadn't seen in a long time, came in and we talked and had such fun horsing around and I didn't have to worry about how it was perceived, or what would happen afterward.

As if all that wasn't enough, a man I had been searching for since moving back was suddenly there when I turned around. His beautiful wife was with him. I was overjoyed.

I stood there with jaw dropped as I stared into those sparkling blue eyes of his. I had posted all over Facebook, and other social media sites, and told everyone at the Harley dealership, to give him and his wife my number if they saw him. He was one of the first I wanted to introduce my boyfriend to. I knew they would love each other.

They have so much in common, long silver pony tails, great attitudes, hard core bikers, and a genuineness not found in many. Before I saw him I found out he was very ill, terminal, and hadn't been around much, so to see him and his wife was a total surprise. Then I found out he and my boyfriend had already been talking about my friend's new toy. A "Slingshot." Neither had any idea who the other one was. It was a true gift from God. 

New friends, old friends, the freedom to be myself and talk to people, and having an amazing man by my side supporting me all the way was truly a blessing from above.

I've found the biker culture to be one of the most caring, compassionate, and honest group of people I've ever been involved with.

What I learned last night was that they all had my back, and had for years. I just never knew how closely they had been watching out for me.

Bronson, Joy, and their new Slingshot!

Albee!

The guy totally stole my photo shoot!

Corner feet

Gratefully,

Read more...

Life or Crimson Pools?

She felt the organ, the size of a closed fist, beating deeply within her body, her spirit, her being.

Her thoughts took her back in time to the Egyptians that therorized the heart was the seat of the soul, thoughts, and emotion.

Her's had once been tightly closed, as a fist, but was opening slowly, cautiously, and fearfully.

Though the emptiness had been filling, there were still stabbing pains emanating from the organ she had so closely guarded.

At times she she sensed the trickling of ruby colored beads oozing from the still open wounds.  They slowly moved down her beating heart and changed their paths with every breath she took, each fluttering movement of her chest.

She wondered about their final destination. Would they come together, nourish the organ that had been bound in barbed wire, feed it, and allow it to fully open, and experience life the way her Creator had intended?

Or would they find their way into a crimson pool on the floor draining, not only life sustaining nourishment, but her soul as well?

She hoped, dreamed, and wished for the former, but continued to fear the latter.

Respectively,

Read more...

Isaiah

Why should I post this you ask? Because this is my blog and I can post what I want.

Today a friend of mine posted this video on Facebook and it had me in tears. Being a Christian I know the chapter to which he was referring.

I'm not here to convince anyone of my beliefs in any way. This affected me, the video. That is why I'm posting it.

Jewish man turns to Jesus and explains why in a way you never heard before!
WOW! This Jewish man turns to Jesus and explains why in a way you never heard before! His testimony goes viral with 5 million views and shakes the Jewish world - PLEASE SHARE!!!! by One For Israel Ministry follow & like us: www.facebook.com/oneforisraelMore stories at: www.imetmessiah.com
Posted by One For Israel Ministry on Saturday, May 9, 2015

53 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?

² For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
³ He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
⁴ Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
⁷ He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
⁸ He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
⁹ And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
¹⁰ Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
¹¹ He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

And then there is this:

Read more...

Love Is In The Air

I've been in a relationship for about 5 years, give or take, now. There are no words to describe my love for this man. His smile is contagious, his laugh even more so.

He knows more about me than I know myself. He notices the way I speak, the way I walk, the way I look, the way I breathe. He notices the way I do my hair, my gestures, and how my makeup has been applied.

He cares about ME, me. He knows my entire story, from several sources, and he still wants to see me.
I don't see him often enough, but the relationship has been long and very good for me.

I am officially announcing I have the best psychiatrist in the world. You read correctly, the best, the very best!

I saw him yesterday. What he had to tell me was incredible. He said he's never seen me so happy, really happy. My breathing, for the first time in years was normal, the look in my eyes genuine, and my gestures flowed, and I was relaxed, he told me.

Before I left his office he told me the last time he saw me he couldn't believe the difference, the transformation, I had made. I credit it to him. He says I'm doing a lot of the work myself, which I do try, but I admit I need support from time to time.

The day he retires I will be devastated, but he has given me the tools I need to work with. He knew what I was dealing with before I did, but I didn't believe him. Finally with his help, as well as the help from others, I've accepted the fact that I am dealing mainly with PTSD.

We're working on adjusting my medications to treat that as the major demon I have been facing. He said it's so much easier to treat me now that I am accepting what he, two therapists, and other officials, have been telling me for years. 

So here's to my acceptance, my recovery (which will be ongoing), and the man in my life that has stood by my side all these years, even when I wasn't there for myself.

Doctor, I thank you, and I love you. Thank you for helping my wings to truly emerge.

xoxoxo

Read more...