I Don't Care if You Don't Live Here!

I know that I don’t write a “mommy blog” but lately kid stuff seems to be taking me over. God help me!


With some of my last posts in mind and what happened today, I’m seriously beginning to question my parenting/grandparenting abilities. Marcy, if you’re reading this, I am SO freaking glad you don’t work for Child Protective Services any longer, and remember, we’re friends!

I really try to do the correct things. I make sure the kids get their immunizations. I make sure they go to school with clean clothes, well, with clothes on. I keep lots of fruit and healthy stuff around-Strawberry Pop Tarts count right? And I make sure that their computers, phones, iPods and the TV are locked down via parental controls.

Ok, deep breath, here goes. After having so many kids I think that it’s kinda normal to begin to tune out a lot of stuff right? I think parents with just one kid learn that too. Maybe not, but I like to pretend they do.

We were sitting around the living room this afternoon. Cole was on the couch with his broken leg propped up on the ottoman. Jake and Jeremiah were sitting in the floor playing around and scanning through the channels on TV. Nikki was listening to her iPod and I was preoccupied with blogs and Facebook.

Jake: “Nana?”

Me: tuned out.

Jake: “Nana!”

Me: still nothing.

Jake: “NANA!”

Me: “Yeah, yeah, what?”

Jake: “Can you unlock this movie called The Underbelly for us? I’ve seen it before, it’s really good.”

Me: “What? Uh, sure whatever” still not really listening. I grab the remote, punch in the code and go back to my laptop. A few minutes go by. Then I faintly hear screaming, laughing and OMGs.

Jake: “NANA!”

Jeremiah: “MOM!”

Nikki: laughing hysterically.

Cole: “MOM! LOOK AT THE TV NOW!”

Me: “Can’t you kids EVER be quiet?!”

Cole: “MOM! THE TV!”

I look up and there in front of God, my kids and my grandkids is one very beautiful, extremely, explicitly NAKED WOMAN! The kids have erupted in their hyena like laughter. I try to get the remote to change the channel. Can’t do it, have to turn the TV off.

Cole: “Mom, maybe you should check the guide before you unlock the TV.”

Me: “You’re grounded! I don’t care if you don’t live here!”

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