Wow! Just Wow!

As I sit here typing, I'm still shaking my head, and laughing,  regarding an email, FB message conversation, that I was part of today.

It's no secret I lean toward the Conservative side politically on some things, I'm libertarian on some things, and even a tad liberal on others, big deal. Some of my best friends are liberals, open minded, and respectful people I'm proud to be seen with, call my friends and have fun and laugh with. None of us judge the book by the cover, none of us put others in boxes. We're all human, right?

So this guy begins this conversation with me because of our mutual passion for motorcycles, cool, I love talking bikes. So we banter back and forth, then he realizes my political affiliation, big deal, most of us have our opinions. Oh, to him, it was a HUGE deal.

I'm just in total, complete, amazement some people that shout out regarding "tolerance, and acceptance," sometimes are the least tolerant, and accepting, of all.

All I can really do is shake my head, laugh at the ignorance of some in our melting pot of a society, and wonder, where my mixed race, adopted children would be today, had I had that same tunnel vision, that same ignorance. 

I'm about live and let live, funny I think. The saying comes to mind, "The only truly blind, are those that will not see."

It's ok, I'm as cool as hell, and you guys know it!

Ciao!

Read more...

Not My Words, But They Say It All

I read this while scrolling through Facebook this afternoon. It was on the page, "Bruised, But Not Broken."

The reason I'm posting it is that people are ignorant, they turn their heads, the DON'T ATTEMPT TO UNDERSTAND. They get angry, they see us as weak, what they fail to realize is the pain and the complete spiral that takes over. It's not manufactured, it's triggered. What they fail to realize, it that, more than likely, we're much stronger for fighting a very difficult fight. 


"Sharing again for people on different time zones. Don't be ashamed of who you are or how you feel

Feeling suicidal. LOVE that everyone HATES to hear that. love that its sooo ignored and frowned upon, even now. 

If someone FEELS suicidal, then they are QUITE CLEARLY hurting beyond belief.........Do you know the STRENGTH it takes to admit that when its true? People are far too judgemental regarding what they do not understand. 

Life is a gift. Suicidal people are very aware of as a matter of fact......... it feel's like a curse. 

People ARE HURTING EVERYWHERE for THOUSANDS of reasons..and to be quite honest, a MASSIVE number of them are battling the pain another HUMAN caused them. And, then, their pain is being brushed under a carpet somewhere, the world OBLIVIOUS to the truth in front of their eyes. 

Well here's a WAKE UP call..for people that disrespect depression and all that it is..FAR more people than you could believe, feel SUICIDAL. I am NOT afraid of that word. And i am not afraid to admit that being Borderline suffocates me with this emotion. 

It doesn't mean I'm going to kill myself. It doesn't mean i am craving attention. It means i am asking for help. That i am SO hurt (usually from the people we love most), and SO lost that I know not what to do. 

And that's the biggest problem, I hear, and feel, the millions of voices, thoughts and tears that humanity on a whole, seems not to hear at all. Well i want everyone on this page to know that it is OK to admit those feelings here. Feel them. Don't act on them..OBVIOUSLY. But let me know, 'cause then you'll know you're not alone and regardless of other peoples perceptions..I hear you, I feel you, i see you, i accept you and i respect you. Don't be afraid of your emotions, just remember, like waves, they will come and go.. "

Bruised °•♡*

I'm not suicidal, I was. I was determined, I had a plan, I was ready. The only two times in my life I was determined and ready were in the last year. My life was turned upside down, and was based on my failing to realize that not everyone speaks the truth. Is that a failure on my part? Yeah, I take full responsibility.


 

Read more...

Hurry Up and Wait!

I have this WAY cool announcement to make, but someone is holding me back for a few days!

So I'll say this, stay tuned.....we're about to have fun!

About damn time, wouldn't you say?

xoxo

Read more...

Open Your Closet

When I read of the tragedy, I wish I could say I was shocked, but I wasn't. The demons he fought were the same as I fight.

I sat in the overflowing room, where his friends and family had gathered to say their goodbyes, tell stories of his life, and the way he had impacted their lives, and I felt, I knew, how he had felt that day. For me, it's a way of life.

My heart was with him, I know the struggle, I know how people think you're "playing games," and should "just snap out of it." Truth is, you can't. His enemy is my enemy. To those that are afflicted like my friend was, and I am, our struggle is not a game, it's not "attention seeking," it's all too real.

For those that don't have a clue as to how we can struggle, as we do so often, bluntly, get educated. Even though our fight seems invisible to you, it's in glaring technicolor to us.

There are triggers that draw us into a vortex that seeks to destroy our lives. That doesn't mean we're weak. I don't know what my friend's triggers were, but I know mine all too well. A trigger is not a weakness, it's reality, a land mine.

My trigger, well, it's abandonment. Abandonment by people I have given my heart and soul to. There's strength in those sentences, I know what my trigger is, there's nothing weak about knowing your enemy.

The weakness, or cruelty, lies within those that refuse to acknowledge there's a definite demon we fight. Luckily, for me, there have only been a handful of people that, knowingly, or unknowingly, triggered my falls.

This last year has, without a doubt, been the most difficult year of my life, and my fight to carry on, and there's a very steep mountain to come, that is scaring the hell out of me. At least this mountain wasn't thrown at me out of the blue. I still don't know if I can climb it or not, time will tell.

That night, at my friend's memorial service, I sat, intensely watching, and listening to, his stepson speak, almost shout out, his pain. Shamefully, I have to admit, it was the first time I had really heard, understood, the impact on someone else, seen from the outside to the inside. His son, gave me a gift, another point of view.

People like to think what I fight, since it cannot be seen, is manipulative, they make themselves the focus, and get angry, or, as some people, roll their eyes, and scream in their feeble minds, "DRAMA."

Stop and think, do you really think, for a moment, that anyone would want to be afflicted with this disorder? One of the wisest things I've heard anyone say was from the mouth of a woman I despise, not because she's a lesbian, but because I just don't like the woman. In an interview she was asked if she wanted her adopted children to be gay. Her answer was, "No. It's a hard life, a continual fight."

I have to say she gained some respect from me that day. I guess my point is that, wake up, look around, We all have battles, I may not totally understand yours, and you may not totally understand mine, but we need to understand we all fight demons, only some can't be seen. Be more kind, more gentle, you never know what someone else  may be fighting.

So before you cast stones, get angry, and make assumptions, open your closet. What are you fighting?

Read more...

Molten Glass

The Creator used a hollow metal tube, and carefully dipped it into red molten glass time and time again. After he had painstakingly formed the shapes he desired, for the glass floats that existed only in his imagination,  he added specks of differing metals to impregnate the floats and would enhance them with color and a personality of their own.

He breathed life into them and watched as they grew, and developed, into what He had intended. His desire was for them to dance amongst the waves, both rough and calm, shimmering and spreading their individuality, and unique beauty throughout the oceans for the world to see. 

Most of his artwork did just as He had intended. All of the spheres were different and beautiful in their own way, each projecting its shining presence into the universe for all to admire. 

Some, however, had been flawed during the process of creation and had developed small fractures. Those tiny lines were no problem in the beginning. Throughout the years, they made the glass sparkle in more unique ways. The fine cracks added additional depth and character to the marred spheres, giving them a personality unique to each. They reflected His light in ways more extraordinary than the others, not better, nor more beautiful, but differently.

Through time, being bounced against the shore and tossed by the strength of the waves and power of the ocean, the flaws became more pronounced. The spheres bounced in the water with more force, the ups were more up and each down filled the float with a bit more water.

Even though water was slowly filling the spheres, their beauty still shone, and their uniqueness became more pronounced, they stood out in the midst of the ones that were perfectly formed.

They drifted from the crowd, and their differences were seen by the more observant. There came a time, however, the water that had, overtime, filled the spheres, became too heavy to keep the baubles afloat. They fought with all of their might to stay above the whitecaps and migrate back into the crowd, but it wasn't to be.

The ratio of air to water was too great, and the spheres, either shattered and separated, floating apart from themselves, their sharp edges keeping others away. The remaining didn't separate, they allowed the salty water to fill them completely, and were taken under to rest quietly on the ocean's floor.

Read more...

Highlydangerass!

Yeah, I've been MIA for a bit.

Working on some very cool things! Cannot wait to share. Formed a new company......Diva on Two Wheels, LLC, working with an incredible biker apparel company Highly Dangerass. 

Been busy with The Motorcycle Travel America Foundation AND condo shopping!

I've also been busy helping spread word of an injured rider. Check it out. Show compassion, spread the word. Recovery Fund For Don Hall. 

Diva girl has been freaking busy!

I'll be back soon. In the mean time check out Highly Dangerass and their apparel and Motorcycle Travel America!

Meanwhile, check out this photo shoot.....more to come!

Ciao!

Read more...

This Time Was Different

I've been used to having my blood drawn monthly for years. I've never been afraid, only annoyed when I knew I could have done a better  job.

It was different this time. I sat shivering in the sterile, turquoise, padded, chair. This was no normal blood draw, this draw could mean life or death.

I watched her every move, not out of casual observance, but out of questioning and fear.

The lab tech fumbled around searching for a rubber tube to tie around my bicep. As she did, a single tear fell from my right eye.

"Are you ok dear?"

"Yes, I've had blood drawn almost monthly for years. It must just be my contact."

She went about gathering the tubes, needle, and an alcohol patch. When she found her items, my heart began to beat more quickly, the room began to spin, and darken. I felt a touch on my shoulder, "Teri, breathe, it's going to be ok, just breathe."

I inhaled deeply and, with the oxygen I pulled into my lungs, the light returned, the room normalized, and I was more stable than before.

I watched as she wrapped the tubing around my arm, and as she tore open the packet that contained the gauze soaked in alcohol.

I began to feel lightheaded once more and turned to the right, I could no longer watch. I  deepened my breathing. I then felt the coolness of the alcohol on my skin, and a tiny sting.

Within seconds, within an eternity, it was over. She had three tubes, containing crimson fluid that had once flowed through my veins, in her hands and set them aside. A gauze pad was placed on my arm where the needle had been inserted, and it was secured with paper tape.

I stared at the tubes knowing any of the three could be a death sentence. My head was spinning, my world was spinning. My thoughts were consumed, not only with my own mortality, but with my friends, my family and everything in between.

"Teri, you look rather pale. I'd prefer it if you would sit here for a minute or two."

I didn't have enough energy to challenge her on the subject. I settled into the chair, leaned my head against the hard, concrete wall, and breathed slowly, and deeply.

After a bit, she  released me to go on my way. I was on my way to wait days for the results, agonizing days.

About a week had passed and a nurse called. She quickly said said, "Teri, we have one of the tests back and it's positive. You need to come in as soon as possible."

I dropped my phone and it fell to the stone floor. Tears flowed from my eyes. I put my head on the island and cried as never before. I didn't think of the other tests, or their potential results, I just mindlessly cried. It was if the tears would, themselves, wash away the reality of the results I'd just received.

I pulled myself together to make needed calls, and after I crumbled onto the bed, I cried until I slept.

xo

Read more...