It's Not The End, It's Only Beginning

No swear words, well, really no words at all. No sound, no complaining, not much anyway. Just sheer determination. That about sums up Sara yesterday. She did get a little irritable though, and come to think of it she did say "holy hell" twice.

The girl is amazing. She went through the entire day serenely and mostly happy and smiling, all without drugs, until the very end when she had a injection of Fentanyl.

Being like his parents, Jax decided to bypass the normal way of doing things and stubbornly refused to budge, even after good, solid, hard work by his mother to get him to do so.

About 8:30 pm PST it was decided that a cesarean was going to be the way Jackson would make his entrance.

The grandparents sat in the room Sara had labored in and learned of our grandson's birth by the cleaning lady.

"Your grandson has lungs," she calmly announced as she walked by the room.

Within minutes, a smiling Sara was wheeled in clutching the golden ticket. A crying Cole followed closely behind.

Jackson Donovan Story weighed in at 7lbs 12 oz and was 19.5 inches long.

He's here. His mommy is sore. His daddy is proud and his grandparents are smitten. It was a good day.

yes, that IS a ponytail on my son's head. he's growing his hair out for Locks Of Love.

sneaking in a hashbrown from mcdonalds...shhhh!

....and texting

she spent a lot of time bouncing on that ball

popsicles make everything better

typical Sara

she spent a lot of time on the floor

tired and irritated after a long day. i think i pissed her off taking this picture.

cole was with her every minute

daddy ready for surgery

another typical Sara

poor little jax's head

my beautiful daughter in law

my son's a daddy. tears.

Jax and his Nana

the newest member of the clan.

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It Better Be Soon!

Well, well, well........the time has come. Baby Jackson, Jax to Nana, will be here shortly.

Kind of funny, I think,  that it's Sara and Cole's 9 month anniversary today.

Sara's a trooper and Cole's being the nervous dad to be.

Hopefully soon, I mean soon as in "before Son's Of Anarchy," starts tonight, we'll have a new member to the family.

Miss "My Water Just Broke"

My son's best attempt at an excited face

Pre-hospital Starbucks run

And we all are...

Warm blanket, still smiling

.....still waiting

getting more serious

and guess who's sleeping?

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Imagine This

Imagine that you're in a panic, an absolute panic. Let's say three, yep, three of your psychiatrists have closed their practices in less than a year, and you have to find a fourth one. I'd tell you why they all are closing their practices but that would start a big fire storm over the "Campaigner and Chief's" policies, so I won't go there.

I know that may be asking a lot since, well, most of you are "normal," but try to imagine the anxiety attacks brought on by this. Especially for someone with a "crazy" gene running loose in the family.

It's not so easy finding a new psychiatrist. It seems there's shortage of psychiatrists in this area anyway, and those that still do have a practice have them closed to new patients and what if you don't click if you happen to find one? Valium, Valium and more Valium! Oh, and occasional Lavender Martinis. (Those things KICK ASS!)

You have no idea of the panic that comes with all of this, especially since my family doc said he's uncomfortable prescribing my meds for more than two months.  Me un-medicated is pretty much one, big, hot mess.

I told my last doc that I couldn't find a provider anywhere in the Portland metro area. I didn't care if they were on my insurance or not, I just needed a doctor. That doc made a call to one of her associates and was able to get me into her friend's "closed to new patients" practice.

I met with her, she seems nice. I like her. Oh you hear the "but" coming don't you? Ok, here is is. Friday, on my third meeting with her, while finishing telling her more of the goings on in my family and in my personal life (yes it took three visits for that) she was staring at me, mouth gaping.

She listened intently. When I finished she shook her head and said, "Wow, you have such a complicated life!" She seemed shocked.

I told her I knew that we've dealt with more than many families have, but to me my life is normal. She said that's what worried her, that for me it's normal. I couldn't help but think about her statement.

I glanced over at the chaise lounge in her office and wondered if I should move over to it, lie down and act like one of the stereotypical psychiatric patients. You know, lying there, sobbing and dabbing my eyes with a crumpled tissue while pulling the stuffing out of a toy rabbit. 

When I look back on everything, I can hardly believe the things that happen in my reality show of a life. Believe me, if I listed everything for you that's gone on, not to mention my bipolar, you'd think "NO WAY that crap's happened, you be making that shit up!"

If we did have a reality show I'm sure Geraldo would want to file a law suit against us for false advertising since none of it seems possible. Well it has happened. Over. And. Over. And. Over. At times our life makes the lives of Britney Spears, LiLo and the Kardashians look like a Shirley Temple movie.

So my question. What should I be most worried about? The fact that my new doctor is freaked out about how complicated my life is, or that fact that to me it seems normal?

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Notice of Imminent Death

I'm sure most of you remember my son Cole. You know, the one that was hit and left for dead on the side of the road by a high school coach? As his mother I can tell you his death is imminent, after all I brought the little shit into this world and I can take him out.

Today when I got home from the shooting range with the monkeys, Jakob and Jeremiah, Cole was full of mischief. For some reason he latched on to me as his victim of the hour. I walked into the house and saw him and his VERY pregnant wife, Sara, sitting on the couch.

I said "Hey children," and he quips "Hey elderly parental unit."

Screeching halt! Rewind!

"What did you say to me?"

"Do you not remember my elderly mother?"

"You're diggin' a hole boy. One I'm gonna bury you in."

The Sara piped in, "Soon you'll have your AARP card!"

I informed her that I'd NEVER join AARP, the freaking lobbying group!

"Yeah Mom," Cole continued, "soon you'll be getting coupons in the mail for Depends."

"I'M ONLY 49!"

Then Sara chimes in again, "Yep, those social security checks will be rolling in soon."

At that point I'm thinking "I'll wait until baby Jackson is born and then I'll kill BOTH Cole AND Sara!" Disrespectful little heathens! I KNOW I taught the boy better than that!

"Why is it again, Mom, that you color your hair and get botox?"

"I'M ONLY 49!"

"Yeah right," he smirks. "That's pretty darn close to over the hill, if you're not already there that is."

At that point I'm inching closer to the sharp ceramic knives, the really sharp ceramic knives. Then I thought better of it. I watched an episode of CSI where the killer was caught by the tip of a ceramic knife left in the body of the victim. That's when I remembered I'd just got home from the gun range and I had six loaded guns within arms length. I thought better of that too. There's the whole DNA and witness thing. If I took out one, I'd have to take them all out. Raw salmon crossed my mind as well, but they're KIDS, not dogs.

So I huffed out of the living room instead. I went straight into my bathroom. I turned on the magnifying mirror and checked my face for wrinkles. Then I looked to see if there was any more gray hair in my roots. Where in the hell is my Retin A cream, I thought as I dialed my colorist to make an appointment.

Depends my ass!

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Sunday Stealing

 I'm hanging with the thieves at Sunday Stealing tonight. Mostly because my mind is too full of Thomas Paine's "Common Sense" and Daniel Leonard's letters to colonial America. I'm reading it all and thinking to myself "I REALLY signed up and PAID to do this?"


Anyway, if you want to hook up travel over here and grab the questions!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
I've licked a lot of things but a CD is not one of them.

2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
Seriously? I mean, Seriously? Ok, you asked for it. It was only for a short time because, well, he died. I was, well I was young and he was, well, old....well, old to me at the time. The age difference was 40+ yrs.

3. Ever been in a car wreck?
Oh yes, and a motorcycle wreck...and thrown from a horse. I'm sure there's something else I could add to the list but I probably shouldn't

4. Were you popular in high school?
High School? Damn, it was the 70's I have no idea.

5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, but his cane kept getting in the way

6. Are looks important?
isn't that what we're told and made to believe? And I guess if I didn't think so I wouldn't be spending money on botox and hair color.

7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
yes, yes I do

8. By what age would you like to be married?
ahem

9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?
no

10. Have you ever made a mistake?
can you explain the meaning of the word "mistake" to me please?

11. Are you a good tipper?
always.

12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
My haircuts are $105

13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
yah, that's why  my kid won't let me go to his conferences

14. Have you ever peed in public?
this question is a little vague, don't you think? I mean it could mean in a public restroom, on the street corner or in the woods....yes to them all.....haha

15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Great. Just great, I'm working on my will, just told the kids I don't want an autopsy and now a question about my funeral. I'm beginning to get creeped out here.

16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
why not?

17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
WTH? ANOTHER question about death? First of all I wouldn't be executed, second who can eat if you know that's coming? I mean, what's the point?

18. Beatles or Stones?
Ok, Brat is going to hate me for this, but neither...NEITHER!

19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
I can honestly say no one. There were two, but I think that a slow, painful existence is what I'd prefer for them.

20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
I'm totally going to sound like an alcoholic here but bring on the gin, Tanqueray Ten please.

21. Do you have any phobias?
tornadoes. comes from growing up in Texas, oh, and rattlesnakes, again a Texas thing. And not being able to make my house payment since the economy sucks and it's not looking much better

22. What are your plans for the future?
keep working away on that poli sci degree and eating cake. lots of cake. 

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A Little Late

This week Crazymama is asking the questions and she wants to know about your Halloween!

{1} How did you celebrate Halloween? Trick or treating? Adult party? Trunk or treat?








On Saturday I went out with most of my adult kids and had a blast. Here are a few pics:

{2} What candy is your favorite/the first thing you steal from the kids?

I don't steal anything from them except for their conscience

{3} What kind of candy do you give out, is it your favorite? or something you know you won't be tempted to eat?
Nikki picked the candy this year and it was all in Christmas wrappers! WTH?

{4} How soon after Halloween do you take down decorations and put away costumes?
Me decorate for a holiday....uh, NOT

{5} When do you decorate for the next holiday?

Around Independence day. The best day of the year!

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A Little More Invasive

I'm not sure why I like filling out forms, well, except for the completely useless ones the school sends out at the beginning of every year. Really, why did I ever have to fill out the same 327 questions for eight kids every year my kids were in school? I finally wised up to that one and taught the kids to fill the forms out themselves and forge my signature.

Anyway, back to forms. I had MRIs last night, one with contrast and the other without, and along with the tests came forms. The questions began rather benign.


Previous MRI - no
Allergies - penicillin, erythromycin, and cogentin
Claustrophobia - no

Then they got a little more invasive:

Nursing mother - not just no, but HELL FREAKING NO! Been there done that, besides, see these boobs? Well you can't because, well you're on that side of the screen and I'm on this side, but they pretty much rock. After all I paid to have them lifted and perfectly placed AIN'T NO WAY ANY GNAWING KID IS GONNA GET A HOLD OF THEM!

Any chance of pregnancy? If so I'd be paging Dr. Kevorkian STAT!

Metal shank attaching artificial eye - uh, creeepy. Did they reeeeallly have to use the word "shank?"

Eyelid spring or wire - WHAT? They make such a thing?

Penile implant - excuse me while I check that one out, what the eff?

Implanted ports - you mean like USB? I'm lost at this point.

I'm checking "no, no and no."

Then the comes question that gets me, "Any tattoos?" My first thought was "what in the hell is this thing going to do to my tattoos?"

The technician walks out about that time and I ask him, shallow as I am, if the test is going to screw up my tattoos. I didn't know, I mean, why would it be on the form?

"Well ma'am," he asks, "did you get your tattoos in prison?"

What in the world? "LOOK AT ME! DO I LOOK LIKE I'VE BEEN IN PRISON? DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE THAT WOULD LET BUBBA TATTOO ME WITH A SHARPENED PAPER CLIP OR A MECHANICAL PENCIL?"

"Well ma'am, we never know who may have been in prison and may have been tattooed there."


Then I realized this is the guy that's gonna put me on a table, stick a very big, very sharp needle in my arm and shoot me full of who knows what. Then he's going to send me head first into a big magnetic tube. I'd better watch my mouth and my attitude.

"I'm sorry. No, I've never been in prison. No, Bubba never tattooed me."

"Ma'am, please follow me."

"Oh shit!"


FYI, no results yet. Maybe tomorrow. Frustrating. At least I'm alive and my tattoos are in tact.

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